Black Friday Survival Guide
The Wealth Gap guide to not screwing up during the Black Friday commercial event
Trigger warning: This article contains extreme cynicism.
Black Friday is an American shopping event that started in Philadelphia (USA) in the 1960’s. ‘Black Friday’ was a term used by the police (who dreaded the day) to describe the heavy traffic flow on the day after Thanksgiving. Black Friday ‘officially’ opens the Christmas trading period as retailers compete to sell us their wares.
At the Wealth Gap there we have some conflicting views on Black Friday:
How To Survive
Strategy 1 - Take Cover
Stock up on survival essentials (Beer & Crisps)
Stay away from public areas
Don’t drive anywhere
Turn off the internet (adverts will come for you)
If you are able to take this approach then we envy you. Hibernating in your own comfort cave until this madness is over sounds ideal. Unfortunately, life is cruel and this option is available only to the most fortunate. Kids need to go to school, the bins need to be put out and somebody needs to feed the cat.
Strategy 2 - Embrace the Darkness
Inside each of us there is a beast, a beast that feeds on emotion, a beast that craves instant gratification. You can feed the beast during Black Friday. Venture into your local shopping centre, stand in the crowds and howl at the sky. Start running. Bite, scratch and claw your way through the crowds to claim your discounted prize! For a real challenge aim yourself at the technology stores. Don’t worry about what you can or can’t afford, don’t even worry about whether you want or need anything you are buying. It does not matter if you don’t have enough room at home for that duplex kid’s castle. You are here for passion and battle! Revel in your passion!
Strategy 3 - Plan Your Assault
If you can keep focused Black Friday can be an opportunity to get the products you want at a discount:
Make a Shopping List
Plan ahead of time for the treasures you seek! Don’t get dazzled by all the other rot on display. Get in, get what you planned to get and escape!
Check Online Ahead Of Time
If you can get what you want online then do it. Save yourself blood sweat and tears by buying it online. There will be loads of discounts available and you are less likely to be dazzled to buy a bargain item you don’t need if you don’t see it in the flesh
Teamwork Makes The Dreamwork
If you must venture into the wildlands then have your gang with you. With a team you can open up the crowds with a few well-placed elbows and use diversionary tactics to distract other hunters from your prey. Get your crew to run wildly to the other side of the shop shouting ‘they are bringing out more bargains!’ to distract the other hunters. Pontificate loudly on whether ‘all the bargains have these cracks in them’. Stuff like that.
Be Wary Of Products From Unfamiliar Brands
Quality over Quantity. Just because a cheap replica of what you want is at a 60% discount does not mean it’s worth getting. Stick to your list!
Compare Prices On Your List Across Different Stores/Websites
We would love to see everyone creating a spreadsheet of their wish list and documenting the prices. We love a good spreadsheet but appreciate we are in the minority on that. Regardless
Credit Cards and Paypal Offer Better Protection Online Than Debit Cards
You’re better protected online with a credit card or Paypal
Don’t rely on Black Friday for your Christmas Presents
You won’t get everything you need/want during Black Friday so manage your expectations.
Conclusion: Don’t Go
There are great deals all year round. Save yourself the misery and do something else instead
Until Next Time
The Wealth Gap